Down and Dirty
by borian-gay
Summary: Or: How to Succeed in Babysitting Without Knowing What to Do, a guide by Dwalin.


Title: Down and Dirty or How to Succeed in Babysitting Without Knowing What to Do, a guide by Dwalin.

Rated: K

Words: 1803

* * *

"Thank you a ton," Dis said happily, placing a hand on Balin's shoulder for a brief moment.

"Don't you worry, lass," Balin said with a flourish of his hand.

She nodded and bent down and pressed a kiss to each of her sons' heads. "You two behave now."

"Yes mama!" They chorused, giving her innocent smiles. She nodded, and then she was off, following her dark-haired brother out the door.

"Unca' Balin!" Fili cried, whirling around to face their babysitter. "We wanna play a game!"

Kili nodded eagerly. "Tag! Will you play wag wif us, Unca' Balin?"

Balin smiled down at the two dwarflings, before nodding. "You lads have five seconds to run! One..."

The boys took off running as fast as their little legs would carry them, giggling loudly. "Two, three, four, five!"

Balin jogged after them, careful to avoid knocking over any furniture. He knew Dis would never forgive him if one of her family heirlooms were to break, although most things in the house were already Fili and Kili proof.

"I'm going to get you, ya little rascals!" Balin

Just then came a loud tap, tap, tap, at the door, and Balin went to answer it. Upon opening it, he caught sight of Dori, braids in perfect condition. "Balin!" The other cried cheerfully.

"Dori! What brings you here at such a time?" Balin asked, tugging on his beard thoughtfully.

Dori gestured to the small figure at his side, brown hair awry. "I was actually looking for Dis, but I see she's away at the moment! Nori and I have some business to attend to, and I was hoping she'd look after little Ori here for a while. Praps you would do it instead?"

Balin let out a great sigh, but nodded his head. "Of course, Master Dori! It would be my pleasure." Dori gave a great bow, and let out a string of "Thank you!"'s and "You're so kind!"s.

The white haired dwarf ushered the other out the door, bringing little Ori in under his arm. "Goodday and good luck, Dori!" He said, before shutting the door in his face. "Hello Ori!"

The young dwarf stared up at Balin in wonder, until giggling to his right shook him to his senses.

"He'o Ori!" Fili said, running up to hug his friend. Kili hid behind Balin's legs, eyes wide. The boy could become incredibly shy at the most inopportune moments.

"Alright, laddies!" Balin said, clapping his hands together. "Who wants to hear a story?"

Three hands shot into the air, followed by a chorus of "Me!"

Story time had gone marvelously well. Balin had told stories of their days in Erebor, and the jewels they mined. He spoke of the mighty acts dwarf heroes had accomplished, and of the king. He spoke of the subjects and how revered the dwarves of Erebor were.

Of course, the boys had heard the stories several times. And yet, they listened and gave their full attention to Balin, as if they were hearing it for the first time all over again.

Balin smiled as he finished yet another story. Fili and Kili were starting to get restless, and he allowed them to run off to play with their toys. Meanwhile, little Ori sat at his feet, still gazing up at the older dwarf in wonder. "Bal'n?" He asked, bowing his head, placing his hands in his little lap. "Do you 'fink I'll ever be a hewo?"

Balin lifted the little dwarf up into his lap, much to the younger's surprise, but he quickly relaxed. Fili and Kili never would have asked such a question. From the minute they could understand others, Thorin had told them of their ancestry, and how one day they would be heroes. But little Ori, whose brother would have sheltered him most of his life, would never have told him such things. Balin thought that Ori would make a truly memorable hero one day. "I think you'll be a marvelous hero. Your name will be remembered forever, just you wait laddie. Perhaps someday, I'll even take you on an adventure!"

Ori grinned wide, bouncing up and down in Balin's lap. "Weally? You'd weally take me on a qwest?"

Balin's eyes scrunched up as he continued to smile. He admired the pure honesty and joy a young one could feel at times. "Someday, little one. When you're big and strong, I shall take you."

"Fili! Get down off of there!" Balin said in as stern a voice as he could. The dwarfling listened, much to his surprise, and Balin jogged to the door.

"Yes- Hello?"

Another dwarf, even shorter than Balin, stood on the stoop, his beard hanging down to his knees. He bowed quickly, before pulling a scroll out from the inside of his blue robes. "I carry a message from Master Thorin Oakenshield and Lady Dis. They require your assistance! Apparently another voice is needed to speak on behalf of Ered Luin!"

Balin blinked, nodding his head. "I see. Well, laddie, I shall be off as soon as I may!"

The courier gave another swift bow, before taking off down the lane, his robes barely visible in the dark. Balin heaved a great sigh, turning back to the dwarflings who'd gathered on the floor, watching the scene play out. Balin chuckled, walking forward. "As it turns out, laddies, I'm needed elsewhere."

"B-but you're our babysi'er!" Fili pouted. Kili's lip trembled. Ori hugged a stuffed bear to his chest.

Balin shook his head, kneeling in front of the dwarflings.

"It'll be quite alright, boys. I shall take you to another babysitter! Your mothers, brothers, and uncles shall all be back by tomorrow morning!"

* * *

"Absolutely not."

Balin looked exasperated. "Brother, please! Thorin needs my assistance, and I have nowhere else to send the children!"

"Dori and Nori's?"

"They're out on family business."

"Oin and Gloin?"

"Gloin's on a trip with his wife, and I do not trust Oin to hear the young ones should they be in trouble."

"Bofur or Bombur?"

"Bofur's working and Bombur's asleep."

"Bifur?"

"Out of town, probably working as well."

Dwalin groaned. "Nah, I won't do it. Surely there's some other dwarf who could-"

"Would you really trust any other dwarf to look after Thorin's nephews? Dori and Nori's brother?"

The other groaned once more, taking a step back. "No. Fine, send 'em in, but I swear if they cause any trouble..."

Balin shook his head, but ushered the children through the door. They grinned up at Dwalin, (Kili the widest) and bowed before him. Balin chuckled.

"Now remember, brother, that they need to be in bed at a decent hour! And no gruesome stories please, we don't want to scare the lads!"

"Alright alright!" Dwalin muttered.

"Thorin, Dis, and I will be back by morning, just keep the boys in line until then."

Dwalin nodded and slammed the door in Balin's face, turning to the young dwarves.

"Who wants to go to bed!" Dwalin said with mock enthusiasm. The dwarflings stared up at him with blank expressions.

"But we ain't tired." Fili said slowly. Kili and Ori nodded in agreement.

"We wanna play goblins an' heroes!" Kili said excitedly, and Ori and Fili cheered, all the while Dwalin muttered a few curses in Khuzdul under his breath. The young ones began to argue over who got to be the hero and who was the goblin.

"Mahal almighty, what did I do ta deserve this?" Dwalin asked of no one in particular. "Boys, boys! You three shall all be heroes, an' I shall be yer goblin."

Ori looked up at him with wide eyes. "Weally?"

Dwalin sighed for what felt like the hundredth time and nodded. "O' course, lad. Now you better get yer weapons ready!"

Shrieks filled the air, and before he knew it, Dwalin was lying on his back, three dwarflings attacking him with pillows. He let out a chuckle, as of course he'd yielded easily, but it was still a strange feeling to have been overcome.

"Die, goblin scum!" Fili shouted, hitting Dwalin right in the face with his pillow. Ori and Kili shouted similar phrases, hitting the older dwarf in various places, with loud thump!'s.

"Die, die, die!"

The game lasted a good while longer, Dwalin always trying to 'escape' only to be knocked over again and again. Crash! He'd land on the floor, followed by the onslaught of pillows to the face and stomach. And oh how the boys laughed, hardly able to stand upright they were giggling so hard, and Dwalin thought that maybe babysitting wasn't so hard, as long as nothing broke and the kids were listening!

Eventually the dwarflings tired, and ended up on the large cot to the side, sipping from glasses of water Dwalin had fetched for them. They still giggled every once in awhile over things one of the others would say, but they were quiet for the most part, and that made Dwalin quite happy as he sat on the couch opposite.

"D'alin?" Kili asked sleepily. "Do you fink I'll have a beawd like yours someday?"

Dwalin let out a chuckle and nodded his big head. "O' course, little Kili! You'll have a beard so long an' thick, all the other dwarves will be jealous. Besides little Ori an' Fili 'ere o' course. They'll 'ave beards just as thick!"

The other two young ones smiled happily, murmuring about how long they wanted their beards and where they'd want braids and other things of the sort. Dwalin pulled a knife out of his pocket and began to clean his nails with it, humming an old dwarven tune under his breath, and eventually his eyes began to droop. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, looking back up at the boys.

"P'raps you boys would like ta hear a story before I put ya to bed." Dwalin said gruffly, although he smiled through his beard.

The little dwarflings cheered, crowding around the older dwarf on the cushions. Dwalin began.

"Long ago, in a land far to the east..."

* * *

When Dis and Thorin arrived home the next morning, what they found arose a chuckle from the both of them.

Dwalin lay sprawled across his couch, three little dwarves lying around him. Fili on his chest, Ori nestled into his side, and Kili around his head.

"Get up, old friend," Thorin said with humor, giving the other a shake. "Looks like you and the boys got on just fine."

Dwalin awoke, groaning. "Wha's that?" He muttered.

"You're a right good dwarf sitter," Dis chimed in.

Dwalin shook his head as the young dwarves began to stir. "Almost as if I knew what I was doing!"


End file.
